Bee

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

EVE'S DIARY

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EVE'S DIARY
By Mark Twain

SATURDAY.--I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday. That
is as it seems to me. And it must be so, for if there was a
day-before-yesterday I was not there when it happened, or I should
remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I was not
noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any
day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best to start
right and not let the record get confused, for some instinct tells me that
these details are going to be important to the historian some day. For I feel
like an experiment, I feel exactly like an experiment; it would be
impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do, and so I
am coming to feel convinced that that is what I AM--an experiment; just an
experiment, and nothing more.
Then if I am an experiment, am I the whole of it? No, I think not; I think
the rest of it is part of it. I am the main part of it, but I think the rest of it
has its share in the matter. Is my position assured, or do I have to watch it
and take care of it? The latter, perhaps. Some instinct tells me that eternal
vigilance is the price of supremacy. [That is a good phrase, I think, for one
so young.]
Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of finishing
up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, and some of
the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that the aspects were
quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art should not be subjected
to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful
work. And certainly marvelously near to being perfect, notwithstanding the
shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not
enough in others, but that can be remedied presently, no doubt. The moon
got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme--a very great
loss; it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn't another thing among the
ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It
should have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again--
But of course there is no telling where it went to. And besides, whoever
gets it will hide it; I know it because I would do it myself. I believe I can be
honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and
center of my nature is love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and
that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another
person and that person didn't know I had it. I could give up a moon that I
found in the daytime, because I should be afraid some one was looking; but
if I found it in the dark, I am sure I should find some kind of an excuse for
not saying anything about it. For I do love moons, they are so pretty and so
romantic. I wish we had five or six; I would never go to bed; I should never
get tired lying on the moss-bank and looking up at them.
Stars are good, too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose
I never can. You would be surprised to find how far off they are, for they
do not look it. When they first showed, last night, I tried to knock some
down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which astonished me; then I tried
clods till I was all tired out, but I never got one. It was because I am
left-handed and cannot throw good. Even when I aimed at the one I wasn't
after I couldn't hit the other one, though I did make some close shots, for I
saw the black blot of the clod sail right into the midst of the golden clusters
forty or fifty times, just barely missing them, and if I could have held out a
little longer maybe I could have got one.
So I cried a little, which was natural, I suppose, for one of my age, and after
I was rested I got a basket and started for a place on the extreme rim of the
circle, where the stars were close to the ground and I could get them with
my hands, which would be better, anyway, because I could gather them
tenderly then, and not break them. But it was farther than I thought, and at
last I had go give it up; I was so tired I couldn't drag my feet another step;
and besides, they were sore and hurt me very much.
I couldn't get back home; it was too far and turning cold; but I found some
tigers and nestled in among them and was most adorably comfortable, and
their breath was sweet and pleasant, because they live on strawberries. I had
never seen a tiger before, but I knew them in a minute by the stripes. If I
could have one of those skins, it would make a lovely gown.
Today I am getting better ideas about distances. I was so eager to get hold
of every pretty thing that I giddily grabbed for it, sometimes when it was
too far off, and sometimes when it was but six inches away but seemed a
foot--alas, with thorns between! I learned a lesson; also I made an axiom,
all out of my own head--my very first one; THE SCRATCHED
EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE THORN. I think it is a very good one for one
so young.
I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a distance,
to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able to make out. I
think it is a man. I had never seen a man, but it looked like one, and I feel
sure that that is what it is. I realize that I feel more curiosity about it than
about any of the other reptiles. If it is a reptile, and I suppose it is; for it has
frowzy hair and blue eyes, and looks like a reptile. It has no hips; it tapers
like a carrot; when it stands, it spreads itself apart like a derrick; so I think
it is a reptile, though it may be architecture.
I was afraid of it at first, and started to run every time it turned around, for I
thought it was going to chase me; but by and by I found it was only trying
to get away, so after that I was not timid any more, but tracked it along,
several hours, about twenty yards behind, which made it nervous and
unhappy. At last it was a good deal worried, and climbed a tree. I waited a
good while, then gave it up and went home.
Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again.
SUNDAY.--It is up there yet. Resting, apparently. But that is a subterfuge:
Sunday isn't the day of rest; Saturday is appointed for that. It looks to me
like a creature that is more interested in resting than it anything else. It
would tire me to rest so much. It tires me just to sit around and watch the
tree. I do wonder what it is for; I never see it do anything.
They returned the moon last night, and I was SO happy! I think it is very
honest of them. It slid down and fell off again, but I was not distressed;
there is no need to worry when one has that kind of neighbors; they will
fetch it back. I wish I could do something to show my appreciation. I would
like to send them some stars, for we have more than we can use. I mean I,
not we, for I can see that the reptile cares nothing for such things.
It has low tastes, and is not kind. When I went there yesterday evening in
the gloaming it had crept down and was trying to catch the little speckled
fishes that play in the pool, and I had to clod it to make it go up the tree
again and let them alone. I wonder if THAT is what it is for? Hasn't it any
heart? Hasn't it any compassion for those little creature? Can it be that it
was designed and manufactured for such ungentle work? It has the look of
it. One of the clods took it back of the ear, and it used language. It gave me
a thrill, for it was the first time I had ever heard speech, except my own. I
did not understand the words, but they seemed expressive.
When I found it could talk I felt a new interest in it, for I love to talk; I talk,
all day, and in my sleep, too, and I am very interesting, but if I had another
to talk to I could be twice as interesting, and would never stop, if desired.
If this reptile is a man, it isn't an IT, is it? That wouldn't be grammatical,
would it? I think it would be HE. I think so. In that case one would parse it
thus: nominative, HE; dative, HIM; possessive, HIS'N. Well, I will consider
it a man and call it he until it turns out to be something else. This will be
handier than having so many uncertainties.
NEXT WEEK SUNDAY.--All the week I tagged around after him and tried
to get acquainted. I had to do the talking, because he was shy, but I didn't
mind it. He seemed pleased to have me around, and I used the sociable
"we" a good deal, because it seemed to flatter him to be included.
WEDNESDAY.--We are getting along very well indeed, now, and getting
better and better acquainted. He does not try to avoid me any more, which
is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. That pleases
me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to increase his
regard.
During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things off
his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, for he has no gift in that
line, and is evidently very grateful. He can't think of a rational name to save
him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect. Whenever a new
creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an
awkward silence. In this way I have saved him many embarrassments. I
have no defect like this. The minute I set eyes on an animal I know what it
is. I don't have to reflect a moment; the right name comes out instantly, just
as if it were an inspiration, as no doubt it is, for I am sure it wasn't in me
half a minute before. I seem to know just by the shape of the creature and
the way it acts what animal it is.
When the dodo came along he thought it was a wildcat--I saw it in his eye.
But I saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that could hurt his
pride. I just spoke up in a quite natural way of pleasing surprise, and not as
if I was dreaming of conveying information, and said, "Well, I do declare,
if there isn't the dodo!" I explained--without seeming to be explaining--how
I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little piqued
that I knew the creature when he didn't, it was quite evident that he admired
me. That was very agreeable, and I thought of it more than once with
gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when we
feel that we have earned it!
THURSDAY.--my first sorrow. Yesterday he avoided me and seemed to
wish I would not talk to him. I could not believe it, and thought there was
some mistake, for I loved to be with him, and loved to hear him talk, and so
how could it be that he could feel unkind toward me when I had not done
anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat lonely in the
place where I first saw him the morning that we were made and I did not
know what he was and was indifferent about him; but now it was a
mournful place, and every little thing spoke of him, and my heart was very
sore. I did not know why very clearly, for it was a new feeling; I had not
experienced it before, and it was all a mystery, and I could not make it out.
But when night came I could not bear the lonesomeness, and went to the
new shelter which he has built, to ask him what I had done that was wrong
and how I could mend it and get back his kindness again; but he put me out
in the rain, and it was my first sorrow.
SUNDAY.--It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were
heavy days; I do not think of them when I can help it.
I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw straight.
I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and
he says I shall come to harm; but so I come to harm through pleasing him,
why shall I care for that harm?
MONDAY.--This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest
him. But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I
would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any other sound.
He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is sensitive
about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for
brightness is nothing; it is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I could
make him understand that a loving good heart is riches, and riches enough,
and that without it intellect is poverty.
Although he talks so little, he has quite a considerable vocabulary. This
morning he used a surprisingly good word. He evidently recognized,
himself, that it was a good one, for he worked in in twice afterward,
casually. It was good casual art, still it showed that he possesses a certain
quality of perception. Without a doubt that seed can be made to grow, if
cultivated.
Where did he get that word? I do not think I have ever used it.
No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, but I
suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank with my
feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some
one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough--that lovely white body
painted there in the pool--but it is something, and something is better than
utter loneliness. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me
with its sympathy; it says, "Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless
girl; I will be your friend." It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is
my sister.
That first time that she forsook me! ah, I shall never forget that --never,
never. My heart was lead in my body! I said, "She was all I had, and now
she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life
any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me.
And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and
shining and beautiful, and I sprang into her arms!
That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not
like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward. Sometimes she
stayed away--maybe an hour, maybe almost the whole day, but I waited
and did not doubt; I said, "She is busy, or she is gone on a journey, but she
will come." And it was so: she always did. At night she would not come if
it was dark, for she was a timid little thing; but if there was a moon she
would come. I am not afraid of the dark, but she is younger than I am; she
was born after I was. Many and many are the visits I have paid her; she is
my comfort and my refuge when my life is hard--and it is mainly that.
TUESDAY.--All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I
purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and
come. But he did not.
At noon I stopped for the day and took my recreation by flitting all about
with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, those beautiful
creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it! I
gathered them, and made them into wreaths and garlands and clothed
myself in them while I ate my luncheon--apples, of course; then I sat in the
shade and wished and waited. But he did not come.
But no matter. Nothing would have come of it, for he does not care for
flowers. He called them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and
thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he does not
care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky at eventide--is there
anything he does care for, except building shacks to coop himself up in
from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, and sampling the
grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see how those properties are
coming along?
I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with another
one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got an awful
fright. A thin, transparent bluish film rose out of the hole, and I dropped
everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS so frightened! But
I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned against a rock and rested
and panted, and let my limbs go on trembling until they got steady again;
then I crept warily back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was
occasion; and when I was come near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush
and peeped through--wishing the man was about, I was looking so cunning
and pretty--but the sprite was gone. I went there, and there was a pinch of
delicate pink dust in the hole. I put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH!
and took it out again. It was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and
by standing first on one foot and then the other, and grunting, I presently
eased my misery; then I was full of interest, and began to examine.
I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it
occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I was as
certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So without
hesitation I named it that--fire.
I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new thing to
the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was proud of my
achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him about it,
thinking to raise myself in his esteem--but I reflected, and did not do it.
No--he would not care for it. He would ask what it was good for, and what
could I answer? for if it was not GOOD for something, but only beautiful,
merely beautiful--
So I sighed, and did not go. For it wasn't good for anything; it could not
build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it
was useless, it was a foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say
cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I said, "Oh, you fire, I love
you, you dainty pink creature, for you are BEAUTIFUL--and that is
enough!" and was going to gather it to my breast. But refrained. Then I
made another maxim out of my head, though it was so nearly like the first
one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: "THE BURNT
EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE."
I wrought again; and when I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied it
into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and keep it
always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat
out at me fiercely, and I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue
spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away like a cloud, and
instantly I thought of the name of it--SMOKE!--though, upon my word, I
had never heard of smoke before.
Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I
named them in an instant--FLAMES--and I was right, too, though these
were the very first flames that had ever been in the world. They climbed the
trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing volume
of tumbling smoke, and I had to clap my hands and laugh and dance in my
rapture, it was so new and strange and so wonderful and so beautiful!
He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many
minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should ask
such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was
fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must ask; that was not my
fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause he asked:
"How did it come?"
Another direct question, and it also had to have a direct answer.
"I made it."
The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of the
burned place and stood looking down, and said:
"What are these?"
"Fire-coals."
He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down
again. Then he went away. NOTHING interests him.
But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and
pretty--I knew what they were at once. And the embers; I knew the embers,
too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very
young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all burst
open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; they were better
than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be useful, I think.

FRIDAY.--I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but
only for a moment. I was hoping he would praise me for trying to improve
the estate, for I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was not
pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on another
account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the Falls.
That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion --quite new,
and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had
already discovered--FEAR. And it is horrible!--I wish I had never
discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, it makes
me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade him, for he
has not discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand me.
EXTRACT FROM ADAM'S DIARY
Perhaps I ought to remember that she is very young, a mere girl and make
allowances. She is all interest, eagerness, vivacity, the world is to her a
charm, a wonder, a mystery, a joy; she can't speak for delight when she
finds a new flower, she must pet it and caress it and smell it and talk to it,
and pour out endearing names upon it. And she is color-mad: brown rocks,
yellow sand, gray moss, green foliage, blue sky; the pearl of the dawn, the
purple shadows on the mountains, the golden islands floating in crimson
seas at sunset, the pallid moon sailing through the shredded cloud-rack, the
star-jewels glittering in the wastes of space--none of them is of any
practical value, so far as I can see, but because they have color and majesty,
that is enough for her, and she loses her mind over them. If she could quiet
down and keep still a couple minutes at a time, it would be a reposeful
spectacle. In that case I think I could enjoy looking at her; indeed I am sure
I could, for I am coming to realize that she is a quite remarkably comely
creature --lithe, slender, trim, rounded, shapely, nimble, graceful; and once
when she was standing marble-white and sun-drenched on a boulder, with
her young head tilted back and her hand shading her eyes, watching the
flight of a bird in the sky, I recognized that she was beautiful.
MONDAY NOON.--If there is anything on the planet that she is not
interested in it is not in my list. There are animals that I am indifferent to,
but it is not so with her. She has no discrimination, she takes to all of them,
she thinks they are all treasures, every new one is welcome.
When the mighty brontosaurus came striding into camp, she regarded it as
an acquisition, I considered it a calamity; that is a good sample of the lack
of harmony that prevails in our views of things. She wanted to domesticate
it, I wanted to make it a present of the homestead and move out. She
believed it could be tamed by kind treatment and would be a good pet; I
said a pet twenty-one feet high and eighty-four feet long would be no
proper thing to have about the place, because, even with the best intentions
and without meaning any harm, it could sit down on the house and mash it,
for any one could see by the look of its eye that it was absent-minded.
Still, her heart was set upon having that monster, and she couldn't give it
up. She thought we could start a dairy with it, and wanted me to help milk
it; but I wouldn't; it was too risky. The sex wasn't right, and we hadn't any
ladder anyway. Then she wanted to ride it, and look at the scenery. Thirty
or forty feet of its tail was lying on the ground, like a fallen tree, and she
thought she could climb it, but she was mistaken; when she got to the steep
place it was too slick and down she came, and would have hurt herself but
for me.
Was she satisfied now? No. Nothing ever satisfies her but demonstration;
untested theories are not in her line, and she won't have them. It is the right
spirit, I concede it; it attracts me; I feel the influence of it; if I were with her
more I think I should take it up myself. Well, she had one theory remaining
about this colossus: she thought that if we could tame it and make him
friendly we could stand in the river and use him for a bridge. It turned out
that he was already plenty tame enough--at least as far as she was
concerned--so she tried her theory, but it failed: every time she got him
properly placed in the river and went ashore to cross over him, he came out
and followed her around like a pet mountain. Like the other animals. They
all do that.
Tuesday--Wednesday--Thursday--and today: all without seeing him. It is a
long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome.
FRIDAY--I HAD to have company--I was made for it, I think--so I made
friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest
disposition and the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you
feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've
got one, and they are always ready for a romp or an excursion or anything
you want to propose. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we
have had such good times, and it hasn't been lonesome for me, ever.
Lonesome! No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them
around--sometimes as much as four or five acres--you can't count them; and
when you stand on a rock in the midst and look out over the furry expanse
it is so mottled and splashed and gay with color and frisking sheen and
sun-flash, and so rippled with stripes, that you might think it was a lake,
only you know it isn't; and there's storms of sociable birds, and hurricanes
of whirring wings; and when the sun strikes all that feathery commotion,
you have a blazing up of all the colors you can think of, enough to put your
eyes out.
We have made long excursions, and I have seen a great deal of the world;
almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one.
When we are on the march, it is an imposing sight--there's nothing like it
anywhere. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has
a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for
long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant. He hoists me up with his
trunk, but I can get off myself; when we are ready to camp, he sits and I
slide down the back way.
The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no
disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must
be a foreign language, for I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often
understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It
makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am, for I want to
be the principal Experiment myself--and I intend to be, too.
I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at
first. I was ignorant at first. At first it used to vex me because, with all my
watching, I was never smart enough to be around when the water was
running uphill; but now I do not mind it. I have experimented and
experimented until now I know it never does run uphill, except in the dark.
I know it does in the dark, because the pool never goes dry, which it would,
of course, if the water didn't come back in the night. It is best to prove
things by actual experiment; then you KNOW; whereas if you depend on
guessing and supposing and conjecturing, you never get educated.
Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by
guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on
experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is delightful
to have it that way, it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't
anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not
finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out, and I
don't know but more so. The secret of the water was a treasure until I GOT
it; then the excitement all went away, and I recognized a sense of loss.
By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and
plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you know
that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing it, for
there isn't any way to prove it--up to now. But I shall find a way--then
THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by and by
when I have found out everything there won't be any more excitements, and
I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't sleep for thinking about
it.
At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was to
search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank the
Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to learn yet--I
hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I think they will last
weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the
air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes
down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder
why it is? Of course it DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to?
I suppose it is an optical illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know
which one. It may be the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it
is, I can only demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person
take his choice.
By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of
the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all
melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night. That sorrow
will come--I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long
as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on my
memory, so that by and by when they are taken away I can by my fancy
restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and make them sparkle again,
and double them by the blur of my tears.
After the Fall
When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful,
surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall
not see it any more.
The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as
well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate nature, and
this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask myself why I love him,
I find I do not know, and do not really much care to know; so I suppose that
this kind of love is not a product of reasoning and statistics, like one's love
for other reptiles and animals. I think that this must be so. I love certain
birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his
singing--no, it is not that; the more he sings the more I do not get
reconciled to it. Yet I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like
everything he is interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could
not stand it, but now I can. It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get
used to that kind of milk.
It is not on account of his brightness that I love him--no, it is not that. He is
not to blame for his brightness, such as it is, for he did not make it himself;
he is as God make him, and that is sufficient. There was a wise purpose in
it, THAT I know. In time it will develop, though I think it will not be
sudden; and besides, there is no hurry; he is well enough just as he is.
It is not on account of his gracious and considerate ways and his delicacy
that I love him. No, he has lacks in this regard, but he is well enough just
so, and is improving.
It is not on account of his industry that I love him--no, it is not that. I think
he has it in him, and I do not know why he conceals it from me. It is my
only pain. Otherwise he is frank and open with me, now. I am sure he keeps
nothing from me but this. It grieves me that he should have a secret from
me, and sometimes it spoils my sleep, thinking of it, but I will put it out of
my mind; it shall not trouble my happiness, which is otherwise full to
overflowing.
It is not on account of his education that I love him--no, it is not that. He is
self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not
so.
It is not on account of his chivalry that I love him--no, it is not that. He told
on me, but I do not blame him; it is a peculiarity of sex, I think, and he did
not make his sex. Of course I would not have told on him, I would have
perished first; but that is a peculiarity of sex, too, and I do not take credit
for it, for I did not make my sex.
Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS
MASCULINE, I think.
At bottom he is good, and I love him for that, but I could love him without
it. If he should beat me and abuse me, I should go on loving him. I know it.
It is a matter of sex, I think.
He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and
am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. If he were
plain, I should love him; if he were a wreck, I should love him; and I would
work for him, and slave over him, and pray for him, and watch by his
bedside until I died.
Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE.
There is no other reason, I suppose. And so I think it is as I first said: that
this kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just
COMES--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself. And doesn't need
to.
It is what I think. But I am only a girl, the first that has examined this
matter, and it may turn out that in my ignorance and inexperience I have
not got it right.
Forty Years Later
It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together--a
longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the
heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; and it shall be called by
my name.
But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is
strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me --life without
him would not be life; how could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal,
and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the
first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated.
At Eve's Grave
ADAM: Wheresoever she was, THERE was Eden.


**
End of of Eve's Diary, Complete by Mark
Twain (Samuel Clemens)